


Tsuruno Yui is A Demon Lord

by Shaymeme



Category: Magia Record: Puella Magi Madoka Magica Side Story
Genre: AU, But whatever, Comedy, Demon lords, This is also kinda stupid, This is just a massive KonoSuba reference, panty stealing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28668231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shaymeme/pseuds/Shaymeme
Summary: In an Alternate Universe (I think...), Tsuruno Yui is the Demon Lord that rules over hell.So anyway, some things happen.Note: This is not meant to be taken seriously. Like, at all. Also, don't ask me why I made this, because even I don't know.
Kudos: 4





	Tsuruno Yui is A Demon Lord

_It was a quiet day in might-land. Well, that was the official name. The original name was ‘hell’, but our ruler deemed it to not be “mighty” enough, so she changed it. Anyway, the noodle birds were chirping, the douflowers were blooming, everything was beautiful. Our mighty ruler was done with her daily workout of 1,000 of everything, and was preparing to start her daily duties as ruler of might-land, until…_

“WAIT! NO! PLEASE DON’T LEAVE MIGHT-LAND! WE’LL MAKE IT MIGHTIER! **PLEASE!** ” Yelled Demon Lord Tsuruno as she tried to stop some of her few subjects from trying to re-incarnate. She unfortunately failed.

“More people left… I’m a horrible ruler…” Tsuruno sighed to herself.

“Nonsense, Tsuruno-Sama. You’re the best ruler we’ve had in years. Much better than the previous demon lord, anyway. The guy was obsessed with conquering, and apparently he didn’t even know that that was what he was doing… Stupid ruler…” Supreme Advisor Sana reassured her master, expressing her vast displeasure with the previous demon lord along the way.

“Still, Sana-San, that doesn’t change the fact that people just keep leaving… I’ve done everything I can to make this place as mighty as possible, but I can’t make people stay… I’m a failure…”

“No, no, no! That’s not it, Tsuruno-Sama! You’ve done wonders for this place! Though, I do think making this place ‘mightier’ is not necessarily the way to solve our problem…” Sana said, unable to see her master so sad.

“What do you mean? Mightiness is awesome! I mean, the devil is mighty, and everyone is afraid of him!”

“Well, yes, but the devil is an incarnation of pure evil that wants to conquer the world, and everyone is afraid of him because he has MILITARY might, not just regular might. Forgive me for saying this, but frankly, I think we need to change our approach if we want people to stay here, and if you want more loyal subjects.” Sana said, unable to stop respecting her master, despite how dense said master is.

“Well, what did you have in mind?”

“For starters, we should PROBABLY legalize non-Chinese food. I realize that Chinese food is the mightiest food there is, but some people just don’t like Chinese food.”

“NONSENSE! Who wouldn’t like such mighty food!?!??!”

“And, since it’s filled with so much oil, it’s extremely fattening, and it’s REALLY bad for your heart. About 12 people on average have died of heart attacks every month ever since we’ve made Chinese food the only legal food.”

“…Fine. We’ll legalize other foods.”

“Second, we should probably make it legal to not work out at least a 1/10th of your workout every single day, because while that DOES assure that people are healthy and in tip top shape, it also doesn’t produce any results with most people, since they need a different workout. Plus, people die of exhaustion. Oh, and some people just don’t want to work out.”

“Fine. Then they only have to work out 1/20th of my work out every day! That’s better, right?”

“Actually, Tsuruno-Sama, I was thinking we should let the people decide if they wanna work out, and that they should decide how mighty their workout is gonna be on their own.”

“OK. But they can’t come complaining to me if they get fat!”

“Great! Last but not least, we should probably make it legal to leave might-land. Nobody really likes feeling trapped.”

“Watch your mouth, Supreme Advisor Sana. You might be my advisor, but that doesn’t make you immune to execution.”

“Speaking of which, I was thinking that it was time we got rid of that. It’s no longer entertaining to watch people executed in the town square. The people find it ‘demoralizing’ and ‘intimidating’ and ‘a good reason to get the frick out of here’.”

“ARGH! SO MANY CHANGES! ISN’T THERE A SIMPLER WAY!!?!??!”

“Why, there is.” Said a third voice.

Out of the shadows, came out a girl with blonde pigtails, clad in battle armor, a gigantic hammer hanging on her back.

“First General Felicia… Such a pleasant surprise to see you here…” Sana said with a thinly veiled hint of disdain in her voice.

“Zip it, scroll girl. I’m here to give our ruler the advice she’s actually looking for.” Felicia growled at Sana, making her recoil in fear.

“Tsuruno-Sama, surely you wouldn’t take this feral woman seriously. We’re talking about a demon of the older times, when we relied on fear to survive. Whatever it is she tells you; you must not listen to it - “ Sana said, Tsuruno silencing her with a glance.

“Speak, Felicia. But be wary that I am not in a mighty mood, so it is in your best interest to not waste my time.”

“You want more people? You want them to stay here? Just do it how we did it in my day; go out to the surface and destroy some villages. Kill some people. If you kill them, their souls go here regardless of if they were good or not. The only way they leave is if someone kills you. You get yourself subjects who can’t leave. Simple as that. I’ll gladly go to the surface and do the dirty work for you, if you want.” Felicia said, a sinister smile on her face.

“Tsuruno-Sama! Don’t listen to her! That’s the reason the last demon lord was killed! He threatened the humans, and everything seemed great, until they simply sent a group of adventurers to kill him! Don’t do it! Ever since you’ve started ruling 20 years ago, when we stopped assaulting the humans, not a single adventurer has stepped foot here with hostile intent. We want to keep it that way!” Sana said, trying to persuade her master not to listen, but alas, Felicia pulled out her trump card.

“I will kill ALL the humans. If you allow me to attack them, I will show them all the might of the great Demon Lord Tsuruno! They will all cower in fear when they hear your name – “ Felicia stopped as Tsuruno cut into her speech.

“Stop. You had me at ‘might of the great demon lord’. You may attack the humans. Do not disappoint me.”

“I will not, Tsuruno-Sama.” Felicia said, giving her master a bow.

“However, know this, First General Felicia; I am not fond of attacking humans. Therefore, if the adventurers come here, I will make sure you bear the responsibility for the crimes against humanity that will be committed.” Tsuruno said, her voice so intense and terrifying that it sent shivers down even Felicia’s spine.

“Dully noted, Tsuruno-Sama. Now, if you will forgive me, I have a war to prepare for.” Felicia said, leaving Tsuruno’s throne room, flashing Sana a sinister grin in the process.

After Felicia left, Sana fell to her knees.

“We’re doomed… All of us…”

“Time for lunch! Y’know, I’m digging some mapo-doufo right about now. What do you say, Sana-San?”

“DOOMED! ARGH!!!!!!!”

**_Several months later…_ **

“Tsuruno-Sama! Tsuruno-Sama! First General Felicia has been defeated! The adventurers are approaching, and they’re here to kill you! They’ll be here any second now! You must hide – “ Sana yelled at her master, until she was interrupted by the door leading to Tsuruno’s throne room blowing up.

“Hide now, Supreme Advisor Sana. I’ll take care of the intruders myself. Now, let’s see who’re the adventurers who have been giving me so much trouble…” Tsuruno said, getting up from her throne, grabbing her fans while doing so, standing quietly in front of her throne. An intense silence filled the room, until…

“WHY DID YOU DO THAT, YOU USELESS VETERAN!?!??! WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND YOUR USELESS BLAST COMBOS!?!??! DON’T YOU GET WHAT ‘STEALTH ATTACK’ MEANS!?!??” Yelled a voice.

“OWW! OUCH! I’M SORRY, OK, KARIN!?!?! PLEASE STOP PINCHING MY CHEEKS!” a familiar voice yelled back.

“SORRY DOESN’T HELP, YACHIYO! WE’RE FACING THE DEMON LORD! THE REASON WE EVEN BECAME A PARTY! GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER, YOU USELESS VETERAN!” Karin yelled back.

“’Yachiyo’? Shishou!?!? IS THAT YOU!?!?!” Tsuruno yelled, the two voices pausing their bickering. Four figures emerged from the cloud of dust.

“SHISHOU! IT’S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU!” Tsuruno happily yelled at Yachiyo.

“Tsuruno, now’s not the time! I’m an adventurer! I came here to kill you!” Yachiyo yelled back, still unable to grasp how dense her former friend is.

“Right, right, right. I’m also gonna kill you and all your friends, and I apologize for that in advance, but please, introduce yourself and your friends! We haven’t talked in so long!” Tsuruno replied, not taking Yachiyo’s threat seriously at all.

“I am Hazuki Yusa, a berserker, and I really can’t wait to… _negotiate~_ with you, Demon Lord Tsuruno…” Hazuki said, an intense blush creeping over her face as she spoke, her body starting to spontaneously shiver, her fidgeting physically visible to everyone.

“My name is Sasara Minagi, the strongest holy knight there is! I am the master of the strongest sword technique there is, ‘Mother’s Rosario’! Tremble in fear of me!” Sasara said, striking an obnoxious, over the top pose.

“I’m Yachiyo Nanami, an actual adventuring veteran. I am a mage who controls water magic and what not.” Yachiyo said, her tone clearly expressing that she just wanted to get this entire thing over with.

“My name is Karin Misono. I’m an adventurer. I’m the leader of this party. I came here to kill you so that the people can be safe and what not. Insert heroic statement here. Listen, can we please get to the fight already?” Karin said, clearly uninterested in nothing but getting out of this place, that was just STINKING from grease and Chinese food.

“Very well, Karin Misono. I commend you for being brave enough to come here. Not many people have the courage to enter my realm – “ Tsuruno said, before she was interrupted by Hazuki talking to Karin.

“Karin!”

“Yes. That is my name.”

“Can I please negotiate with her!?!? I wanna do it! I can already imagine her resisting and refusing, not willing to reach any compromise, but I won’t break, I’ll make her agree, even if I must sacrifice my dignity as a lady – “ Hazuki said excitedly, her cheeks burning redder with every word, right until Karin smacked her on the head.

“What is it with you and negotiating with people!?!? Also, why does every negotiation HAS to end with you ‘sacrificing your dignity as a lady’ for some reason!?!? If you want to lose your virginity or something, just say it! I’m sure some poor guy who doesn’t know any better would gladly help you! And besides, there’s no reason to ‘negotiate’ with her! She’s the final boss! We just kill her and that’s it! Now, stop talking about negotiating! You’re making the Demon Lord uncomfortable!” Karin yelled at Hazuki, smacking her on the head repeatedly while doing so.

“Ouch. You’re so tense, Karin-San. Maybe I can help you with that…~ OUCH! OK, OK, I GET IT! You like being a sad virgin, now stop smacking me on the head!” Hazuki said, her attempt to slide her way into Karin’s skirt netting her another barrage of smacks to the head.

“Karin, Karin!”

“Yes, yes, that’s my name.”

“Can I please perform my sword technique on her!??! I’m sure that the powerful ‘Mother’s Rosario’ can take her out with one hit, so let me kill her – ouch!” Sasara said, until Karin started karate-chopping her on the head.

“WHAT HELP IS IT IF YOU CAN’T DO ANYTHING AFTER YOU USE THAT STUPID TECHNIQUE!?!??! You’d just be a liability that we have to keep safe until we kill her in case it doesn’t work! Save that stupid sword technique for when I tell you to use it!” Karin yelled at Sasara, her comrades clearly getting on her nerves.

“Geez, you need to pipe down, Karin. Hazuki’s got a point, y’know? Maybe she SHOULD help you relieve your tension…” Sasara said, her sentence stopped by Karin’s murderous stare.

“ONE more word about my virginity, and I’m using BOTH of you as cannon fodder, capeesh?”

“Capeesh, Karin.” Said both Hazuki and Sasara, nodding their heads in understanding.

“And you!” Karin turned around to address Yachiyo, who stood there with her mouth half opened.

“If you think spamming your stupid ‘water blast combo’ is helpful, then let me say right now, it is NOT! You’re still as useless as ever even if you use that! Heck, you’re even more useless when you use that, considering it prompts the enemy to block, which might make it harder for the rest of us to hit the enemy. So, just like Sasara, don’t use ANY ‘special technique’ until I tell you to, OK!?!?!” Karin yelled at Yachiyo.

“Actually, I was gonna ask if I can use the bathroom before we start.” Yachiyo said. Karin looked at her 3 party members in complete and utter disbelief.

“These 3 people defeated my first general… Impossible! This incompetence MUST be a facade! Right!??!” Tsuruno yelled, seeming distressed by how not mighty her first general actually was.

“Oh, yeah, your first general was actually really strong. It’s just that the moment she saw miss veteran over here, she decided that fighting was not worth it, and she begged us to at least grant her a quick death, so we cut her head off.” Karin nonchalantly replied, pinching Yachiyo’s cheeks again for her stupid question.

“ENOUGH! WE WILL FIGHT NOW! You might have reached my throne room, but you will now die!” Tsuruno yelled, ripping off her demonic cloak and tossing it away.

“Alright. STEAL!” Karin yelled, extending her hand in Tsuruno’s direction, Tsuruno’s panties suddenly appearing in her hand. Tsuruno grabbed at her skirt.

“M-m-m-m-my panties! Give those back, you swine – “ Tsuruno yelled, before Karin stabbed her in the chest with her scythe.

“Did you… Did you seriously just steal my panties to distract me, and then stabbed me in the chest while I was distracted?” Tsuruno asked in total disbelief.

“Yeah. So?”

“But… That’s so dishonorable.”

“Yeah, but it worked, right? I guess you could say this technique is the mightiest technique there is, considering it defeated you.”

“The mightiest technique… I like that…”

There was a sort of awkward silence as Karin sat down next to Tsuruno’s dying body.

“Say, Karin. From a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate this battle?”

“I would give it a 10 out of 10. Even though it ended in a second, it was a great battle.”

“I see. Finally, a 10 out of 10. I can die happy.”

“By the way, why did you attack all the villages and kill all those people?”

“Well, my subjects kept leaving, so I wanted subjects that couldn’t leave. The only way to do that was to kill people.”

“Why did your subjects keep leaving hell?”

“They said that as far as they’re concerned, it’s a 5 out of 10 hell, so they left.”

**The end, I guess.**


End file.
